Thursday, May 6, 2010

Jonathan Vaughters settles an argument, Cycling Inquisition is deemed to be somewhat influential, and Colombians race at the Giro






Internet fame

Last week, I received a copy of Mr Bike Snob's book for me to review. Upon receiving said package, I instantly knew that I had officially made it into the blogging elite. On Monday, I received further proof of that fact. For one, Cycling Inquisition was named as one of the "best cycling blogs" by Cycling Tips, or at least it was recommended that its readers vote as such. It was also on Monday that I found out that some guy has somehow determined that this blog is the 49th most influential cycling blog on the internet. Okay, the list only had 50 blogs on it, thus making me a bit of a looser...but I'm choosing to see the cup as half-full for once in my life.




It's for this reason that I invited the entire Cycling Inquisition staff to Applebees for jalapeño poppers in order to celebrate. When we came back to the office I thought there would surely be large UPS packages from bike companies waiting for me, all full of free stuff due to me being an influential blogger. Sadly, that was not the case. Instead, all I received was one lousy bit of spam email that was generically addressed to all "Influential Cycling Bloggers". Gee thanks, and here I thought I was about to get a nice wheelset, perhaps a titanium frame or at least some used handlebar tape. Nope.





The lack of free stuff, the spam email and the fact that I had nearly come in as the Lanterne Rouge in a race of blogs started to get me down. Sure, there's no shame in coming in last (or nearly last) in a cycling race...but in a non-sanctioned article written by some dude, using metrics that no one is sure about...that's a whole 'nother thing. Luckily, it was at that very moment that I received actual proof about my importance in this world we live in. You see, I suddenly received confirmation via electronic mail about the fact that I had officially won an argument with my wife. My mood suddenly changed and was lifted magically like Pellizotti's hematocrit values.





Vaughters settles the argument
You may remember that last week I posted about my experience trying to go through security at JFK (the airport, not the dead president), and about my quick run-in with one Jonathan Vaughters during that process. In that post I discussed how Vaughters had seen me get lectured by security staff for trying to bring a cobblestone into the United Sates, and how I had (in essence) lied to the TSA agents and basically told them that I was Fabian Cancellara (by saying the cobblestone was a trophy of a race I had just won). My wife argued that Vaughters had not seen any of this happen, and that I was merely saying this to make the story better. Well....guess who confirmed my assertions about all this, one Jonathan Vaughters. Yup. A reader of this blog (unbeknownst to me) asked Vaughers to confirm or deny the incident in order to settle the argument between my wife and me.






Argument settled. By having a neutral third party look into the matter, it had been proven that I was correct, which left me wanting more. Why couldn't he step in to settle other matters in my life? It's for this reason that I will now contact Jonathan Vaughters directly with ALL the admittedly minimal marital disagreements between my wife and me. I asked Jonathan if he was interested in serving as our arbitrator, and he agreed. As such, the list of items that we will be discussing on a conference call next Monday is the following:

1. Was I told to pack the measuring cup along with the dog's food when leaving our beloved dachshund with friends for a week.

2. Did I say I would be home early that one time in order to talk to the termite exterminator guy.

3. Should we get a second dog?

4. Which Iron Maiden album is better, Powerslave or Live After Death?

Based on his experience and neutral point of view, I firmly believe that Vaughters can settle these and other points of contention, just as he did with the JFK debacle. I say this because not only did Vaughters prove to my wife that I was right, he also called my writing "excellent"...so there you have it. The man is clearly a genius and has great taste.

As a result of his corroboration of my story, I shall never speak in an ill manner of Jonathan (not that I did before). I shall never speak badly of the team, its sponsors, his home town, his cousins, his barber, his family, his high school mascot, his plumber, his optometrist, his pets, his hobbies, or his Tivo selections. Anyone that does, will be banned from commenting on this blog forever, and ever, Amen. This will ensure that I stay in his good graces so that he will rule in my favor, and will also ensure that I get a spot in a team car really soon. I also want a Garmin 500 thingy (in black please).

The veredict
So what did my wife say when I informed her about the fact that the very person in question (Vaughters) had confirmed my assertions? Well, she responded with a quick "He's wrong. He didn't see you."

So not only is my blog 49th out of 50, my wife also manages to find a way to still win...somehow. In the words of the great Rodney Dangerfield, I get no respect.




Colombians at the Giro
In a largely unrelated note, I wanted to remind all of you that five Colombians will be starting the Giro this Sunday. Though this pales in comparison to the days when two or three fully Colombian teams would race in grand Tours, five Colombians at the Giro is rather high for today's standards. Keep an eye out for these guys. Sadly, Mauricio Soler will not be at the Giro this time around. Perhaps he can return to his earlier glory at the Tour this year. We'll see. The Colombian riders are as follows:


Jose Serpa Perez (Androni Giocattoli) #38
Serpa dominated the Tour de Langkawi last year, winning the GC, Mountains Classification and a stage. This season, he's already won a stage at Settimana Internazionale di Coppi e Bartali.

Cayetano Sarmiento Tunarrosa (Aqua & Sapone) #19
This is Cayetano's first year racing in Europe, after having won the Giro Bio last year.

Rigoberto Uran Uran (Caisse d'Epargne) #68
5th overall at the Tour de Romandie this year, 3rd at the Giro di Lombarida last year. Uran benefits from Caisse d'Epargne not having a definite leader at the Giro, due to Valverde not being allowed to...well... you know, race in Italy...and the fact that his dog was named Piti.

Leonardo Duque (Cofidis) #85
Aside from Fred Rodriguez, Duque is perhaps the best Colombian sprinter of all time. He's a Vuelta stage winner, and will no doubt be seeking stage wins at the Giro.

Mauricio Ardila Cano (Rabobank) #162
Ardila was born in Medellin, and has been with Rabobank since 2006. He won the 2004 Tour of Britain, and was 20th at the Giro last year.


Two last names?
If you're wondering why Rigoberto Uran Uran has the same last name twice, let me explain in case you don't know. In most Spanish-speaking countries, we use our father's last name first, and our mother's maiden name second. For official paperwork, we usually have four last names or more. The third last name is our father's second (our grandmother's maiden last name) and the fourth is our mother's second last name. See what I mean? In Uran's case, two people with the same last name married, and thus his last name is repeated.




30 comments:

  1. Easy:
    Live After Death.

    Flash of the blade is a sweet song though, often overlooked.

    I'm glad you beat your wife Lucho.

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  2. This post alone will surely move you up in the blogging peloton to the top 20. Allez CI!

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  3. And why can't I get Real-Time AND Long Tail together?

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  4. Sorry Death Race, I can't condone wife beating no matter how awesome the person is (yes, even if they've told Johnathan Vaughters he's the most amazing person in the world and has subsequently embroiled him in his marital affairs).
    I am also still confused by the whole last name thing, what's the point? Can't we all just have the same surname like sikhs? Lucho Singh has a certain ring...

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  5. you beat your wife lucho? are you australian?

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  6. Man, what's with all the wife stuff? Did I mistakenly write something that could be interpreted that way? I'm too lazy to read it again.

    New rule, no comments about wife beating, AND no negative comments about Vaughters. Behave or pay the price suckaz! I need a happy life at home AND a Garmin GPS thingy!

    Regarding the last name thing, I think (but dont know for sure) that most Spanish speaking culture tend to be matriarchal, and thus the family honors the mother as well. She's as much part of you as your dad, that type of thing. But i'm sure we inherited it from Spain, and they are not as overly matriarchal as Latin American countries are. If you want weird, Brazilians are perhaps the most interesting when it comes to this. If you've ever followed football/soccer you know that many players go by a single name (Zico, Pele etc).

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Portuguese_name

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  7. Lucho,
    Thanks again for allowing me to help settle your marital tiff. It is a real pleasure to have served someone who has demonstrated their vastly superior writing gifts of which are one of the few things in the world I find to be on a par with the superiority of my own sideburns. Best of luck in your future endeavors. JV

    p.s. Would you like to ride along with me and Whitey at the Tour this year?

    p.p.s. Well, someone had to do it. I mean write the fake JV comment. Great read as always, Thanks!
    Mark

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  8. R. "Boffo" MandosMay 6, 2010 9:37 AM

    Judge: Sir, you claim to want marital harmony?
    Lucho: Yes, your honor.
    Judge: Yet you mention this argument on, let's see here, an "influential" blog page about cycling?
    Lucho: Uh, yeah.
    Judge: And your wife has rejected this fellow Vaughters as credible and you then invite him to settle even more arguments?
    Lucho: Yes, sir.
    Judge; Well son, there's no law against being stupid, but I'll give you a piece of free advice: Just look at his jacket in that photo. Never mind the argyle, just look at the jacket. Case closed.
    Lucho: Umm...

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  9. Regarding Iron Maiden,
    yes! Flash of the Blade is an amazing song! They never really seem to play it live either. Best part of Powerslave as an album is the cover. note how the stairs on the pyramid go straight into Eddie's crotch. hee heee.

    http://image3.examiner.com/images/blog/EXID20872/images/Powerslave.jpg

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  10. i always side with my sister-in-law cuz she bakes mean fucken cookies!

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  11. It's more than just that! JV, by his own admission, read your blog and yet did not object to your comments about the Postal Team™ bus. What we have here is no less than JV tacitly admitting that he did indeed see "crazy amounts of needles and blood centrifuge machines" in said bus. Somebody call VeloNews...

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  12. No-one ever bigs up Piece of Mind.
    Where Eagles Dare.....Epic!
    The Trooper....Slamming!
    Die With Your Boots On....Ummm...Not bad!
    Flight of Icarus....Errrrrr....
    Okay, forget it.

    Congrats on the Confirmed Status, Lucho. We all knew you were in the Top 50 somewheres.

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  13. I saw Maiden at the Canberra Theatre, on the Powerslave tour in May 85.
    Ho-ly-fuck. That changed some shit for me.

    (Yes, I am very old).

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  14. Baked Ben,
    You're my hero!

    Elagabalus,
    I'm on the phone with Velo News now. Well, I"ve been on hold for six hours...but I'm on the phone!

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  15. Death race started it! No cookies for you young man!
    That wiki entry is pretty interesting. It's just a shame all my family aren't horribly inbred because I could be Matt Dunn Dunn Dunn Dunn Dunn, it'd be like I'd have my own theme tune for a surname!
    By the way, even though my opinion counts for nothing and I can't even grow sideburns let alone awesome ones, I vote for the second dog. Can you call it Ken?

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  16. Ken?
    Hmmm.

    If anything it would probably be a female dog, any suggestions for a name?

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  17. I'll be riding a sportive tomorrow with the start and finish in Amsterdam. When I'll go watch the Prologue afterwards, I'll look out for the colombians. I'll let them know that I'm 15 times as badass as them, since I will ride 125 km's that day, while they ride only 8.4.

    PS. Do columbians pack a punch?

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  18. Man, when the mummified Eddie came out on stage me and my freinds nearly pissed our pants laughing.

    It looked like a giant roll of toilet paper with a epileptic trapped inside of it somewhere.

    12 year olds can be so cruel.

    ...and my "underated pick" from Powerslave is The Duelist. Ka-bap, chuggity chuggity chuggity chuggity chuggity chuggity bwah bwah bwah chuggity chuggity chuggity chuggity chuggity chuggity bwah bwah bwah bwwwooowww!

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  19. Professionals can be so lame...only riding like 8.4 kms...who do they think they are?

    Remember, its ColOmbia, not ColUmbia.

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  20. Oops, sorry. Now I'll be punched for sure. Since most ColOmbians are fairly small compared to a N-European such as I, it will be a punch in the nether regions, so I'll be sure to wear a jockstrap.

    Fun fact of the day: jockstraps were invented for cycling on the cobblestones of Boston. Apparently, Paris-Roubaix is nothing compared to a ride around Boston.

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  21. jim from the other day a few weeks ago that wasn't the other JimMay 7, 2010 8:33 PM

    @ Lucho - I must say I like em' both but Powerslave. That album cover is filled with neat little details. Records are awesome.
    Nice job on the JV tale. With the interwebs getting smaller every moment it was inevitable that the man would corroborate. Made for very fun reading. You make the internet fun and interesting the way it should be. At least for bike nerds, or um, cool bike nerds. Yeah.

    @ BakedBen - Oh man World Slavery Tour. Nice! I saw them for Somewhere in Time a few years later. Ace Frehley opened up, ha ha ha ha ha.

    @ Aapje - Now that the Big Dig is finished Boston's all smoothed out. Totally safe for cervelos-a-plenty.

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  22. Well, being outrageously young and born at the wrong time, i saw Maiden in Melbourne in 2008! It was sick!
    Just went for a cross ride if anyone is interested, i think i reached critical mass of muddy.

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  23. metal my ass: Kraftwerk, Tour de France, bitches!

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  24. OK,

    I thought 49th place was pretty respectable...until I took the time to peruse some of the other "influential" blogs, that is.

    I have to say you've been robbed!

    Girls and Bicycles
    Underwhelming. Let's just say it wasn't what I was expecting!

    Dave Moulton's Blog?!
    Seriously?! Dave Moulton has a blog? Why would anyone care. Did you know Dave Moulton has ridden on nothing but sew-ups his entire life? Why am I not surprised?

    Oh, and one more thing. How are you and your saddle shaping up? Are you done with that ..er...issue because I wanted to add my two cents to that thread but I figured I might be a little too late to the party.

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  25. skullkrusher. hurry up and podcast

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  26. jackseph: life is crazy right now, sorry! BUT podcast coming next week, i promise.

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  27. Regarding my junk/taint/the nacho:

    I'm doing much better. On a whim I decided to get my bum fitted with one of those Specialized ass-meters. I was told I needed a 130 saddle, but they were all too expensive. Luckily, I found a used Toupe saddle for like thirty bucks, and bought it. It works pretty much perfectly. It has no padding at all, but I think I'm going to try a more padded Specialized saddle at that measurement...but only if I find a used one. I wore it in Roubaix, and I had no problems. I've not had any sores since....I"m keeping my fingers (and my junk) crossed.

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  28. Oh man, Specialized have an ass-meter?
    Let me on!

    I've found a radical treatment for saddle-sores.
    Not riding.
    Doesn't do much for your early-season form, but my taint is spotless!

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  29. Baked Ben,

    I"m gonna' try out your solution. You, my friend, are a genius!

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  30. What the fuck?

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