Monday, January 11, 2010

I'm some kind of a genius (Part 2)

I know that because I'm a wildly successful and wealthy blogger, many of you probably don't think of me as a normal human being. I don't fault you for that, but let me assure you that I am just like you. Like everyone else, I put on my diamond-encrusted SIDI shoes one at a time...with the help of my personal assistant. Since I'm just like all of you, I too spend time checking out the contents of local bike racks. I look for interesting bikes, and relish finding unusual angles in handlebar/stem combos. I'm also on the lookout for true innovators, like this guy (see below). Why buy an adult bike when you can just buy a tiny kids road bike, and just make it work for you? The bike industry now offers tons of extenders and adapters. Put them to use! As a man of slight stature, I can tell you that when I shop at the kids clothing department, I save big. Why not take that mindset to the art of shopping for a bike?


Laterally stiff, vertically deficient.



Or what about the precursor to the Pinarello Onda, which I shared with all of you before? I bet she handles like a dream.

Vertically iffy, horizontally transposed


Still, what I'm really always on the lookout for are idiotic locking jobs. This week, I found a highly unusual one which I had never seen before. Leaving the key on the lock...why didn't I think of that before? This guy is an innovator in the field of bike locking. A real trailblazer.




I'm not a real genius when it comes to locking my bike, I must admit. I did have that brief moment of near-brilliance when I thought of using my quick release as a locking mechanism of sorts...but that was about it. When I had the pleasure of riding in New York City with Mr. Bikesnob, I was amazed to see how thorough he was at locking both my bike and his. As I stated in that post, I felt overwhelmed with emotion by the fact that he deemed such a high level of security to be necessary for my so-so road bike. God bless the man. I think he was trying to be kind. Either that, or New Yorkers will steal any turd with wheels that they find unsecured.

Speaking of turds, did you see the Footon-Servetto kit?





In the end, just like hot dog water serves a purpose in life (as a delicious summer beverage, once chilled to 45 degrees), people who leave their keys on their locks serve a purpose too. They make us all feel superbly smart, and we can all be thankful for that.

24 comments:

  1. Man, I love staring at that not-so Giant.
    Nothing gets me hot like 3 feet of exposed seat tube, and nothing makes me retch like a massively jacked-up, skyward-reaching stem, so the mixed emotions that are stirred in me by that goofy rig are exquisite.
    Almost ALL bicycles of ANY kind in Barcelona have the seats rammed down onto the top-tube.
    I once saw a picture-perfect coverted Pinarello with pink deep V's and matching anodised everything and about 5mm of seat tube showing.
    Who the hell spends big euros on a glitzy boutique build based around a frame that is 19 sizes too big??? I suppose the rational answer is, who gives a fuck. Live and let die.

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  2. Clearly, the stem on the Giant is designed to draw attention from the raging errection the owner gets when thinking about how much money he saved purchasing his bike from The Shire's LBS.

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  3. I want to meet Bike Snob so badly. The fact you have Lucho puts you almost at his dizzying levels of celebrity.

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  4. My mom always told me I would reach celebrity status one day, that I would be great and known all over the world. Little did I know it would be as a result of having met another person. Oh well...gotta' take whatever you can get.

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  5. FUCK ME, that footon-servetto kit is hideous. horrendous!!! GOD, i threw up a little... WTF is wrong with people!??!?

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  6. You are BSNYC approved, or diapproved, whichever is better. Better for me, I made "top ten." I can usually only do that on one of those weird chic or fixie bike blogs.

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  7. Jefe,
    I think you'll make top ten pretty easily here. I think that implies that this blog is on par with the "chic or fixie bike blogs". Ughhh.

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  8. No Lucho, you've been given the BSNYC bounce. It will now be a mad scramble for the podium from here on. I just read your all-time rankings of the greatest riders. That is better analysis than anything on Versus or ESPN.

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  9. you forgot to mention how well locked the first two bikes are. the cable goes through the wheels but not the frame of the giant and using a cable lock on a parking meter for the schwinn.

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  10. Jefe, sorry to burst the bubble, but the all-time rankings were done by yours truly, not Lucho. He loves to steal my thunder (and often does), but i'll be damned if ppl start thinking HE's the one with no life!

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  11. Am I the only one to notice that Baby Giant is locked in such a way that you might steal the bike and leave the wheels?

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  12. Indeed Jefe, the post was contributed by my dear brother. I don't steal thunder, and I don't steal bikes with tiny wheels. Thus...I didn't even realize that the tiny-Giant could have been mine so easily. But it would have been mine without the wheels, which would be a real pity. Those magnificent tiny wheels really hold the whole masterpiece together.

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  13. Kudos to you both. It's a great site and I appreciate the analysis of SkullKrusher. You can never have enough pictures of improperly secured bikes. Having that same lock, I had to look twice to make sure I had not left the key in.

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  14. I was sick once and the medication I was on turned my pee the same color as the Footon Servetto kit. It looks like it started out yellow, got rode in the rain then washed with bleach... nasty ...

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  15. the footon-servetto kit is indeed too-horrible-for-words UGLY. i dont know what a 'footon' is, but perhaps the logo would look better if it was an action shot of a shitty couch folding into a shittier bed.

    and whats w/ the color(way)? is the team's 2010 goal to triple-podium @ the Baghdad-Samarra-Baghdad? if so, hopefully Donald Rumsfeld isnt their directeur sportif, 'cause im sure they'ed do well to up-armor their bikes... but you go to the middle east spring classic w/ the team you have, not the team you would like to have...

    anyways, cycling has enough probelms w/o an ill-planned, spaniard-led crusade/reverse-reconquista.

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  16. Somewhere there is a son of a jockey, who, after given up his search for his stolen customized lil' Giant OCR, is hanging up his tiny time trial suite (TTTS) and accepting that it was time to follow in the family business. Sad day indeed.

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  17. BakedBen, I think that these riders really want the comfort of a dutch bike, but don't think it's cool. They also don't want a tall stem, so they just lower the seat for an upright position.

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  18. we seem to be forgetting here that Lucho IS BSNYC in his lesser known guise. An egomaniac such as this needs alter egos to discuss himself. Genius.

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  19. I didn't realize that that Footon-Servetto kit is gold and black, it looks like flesh tone. Maybe Footon-Servetto is just trying to cash in on the hipster nude biking craze Bike snob is always talking about.

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  20. all this talk about this bike snob guy. who is he? and if he's a snob, why would anyone care about him? snobs are SO snobby!

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  21. Be prepared for snobinflux, boys. Getting plugged by RTMS is bound to blow this scene wide open.
    No more sneaking over to M.I. for a quick post, eh Lucho. You'll be flat out over here branding merch and banging blogrouppies.

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  22. The approval is certainly nice, but I'm sure it will turn sour rather quickly. people will soon say (if they havent already) that i suck big balls. having said that, his nice plugs in the past have also given huge spikes in readership...but they always die down. as such, it will just be "us" again in just a few days. worry not. having said that...bring on the blogroupies!

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